So, here I am, back from the abyss of not posting.
I have to admit, I thought of just jettisoning this blog thing shortly after starting it. I just panicked at the thought of sharing my thoughts. I mean, who gives a crap about what I have to say, anyway?
But, after thinking about it for the past few months, I decided to stick with it, and so here I am. And I promise to come back more often with what will be hopefully some well thought out posts. So, here goes nothing.
One of my favorite TV shows of the past decade is the hilarious sci-fi comedy(that's right, a sci-fi
comedy) Red Dwarf. For those of you not familiar with it, it's about the last human ever, Dave Lister, who is put in stasis to survive a radiation leak aboard his mining ship, the
Red Dwarf. On the plus side for him, the radiation levels return to normal. On the negative side, it takes 3 million years to do so. As a result, his cat has progeny that eventually evolve into a human like creature called The Cat. His only other companion is a hologram of the guy he hated most on the ship, Arnold Rimmer(since the real Arnold Rimmer died in the radiation leak). They would be joined by a fourth, the android Kryten, in Season 2.
In one of the Season 1 episodes, Dave Lister contracts a mutated form of pneumonia which causes him to experience several hallucinations. Two of his hallucinations are his Confidence and his Paranoia. His Confidence is the one that tells him that he's "dead sexy", while His Paranoia asks him if he has a urine stain on his pants. Eventually, Confidence admits to Dave that he killed Paranoia and smashed the medical unit, reasoning that Dave shouldn't be cured so that he and his Confidence could always be together. Confidence then admitted he fed Paranoia into the waste grinder and does his 'cha cha' of contentment. If only we were all that confident.
I suppose, given the chance, we'd all like to kill of our paranoia and doubts. It would be easy to not talk about my life here and just give up, but I won't. I've got quite a bit to say. It's the balancing of the fear and doubt with the confidence to forge ahead that keeps us in check, I think. On most days, one or the other wins out. But keeping them in check, and preventing either one of them from taking over, is what keeps us going, day in and day out.
And, when you think about it, it's what Lister couldn't do, but what we all need to do. It seems so simple, really. But it's not. What with the prevalence of talk shows, and psychologists, drugs like Prozac to keep us happy, and our gung-ho American "can do" culture, it's no wonder that some people find their confidence waning. Then again, wearing your doubts on your sleeve for all to see doesn't exactly make one the most inspiring person, at least to others.
I'm sure there is a lesson here somewhere, kids. I just don't know what it is yet. One thing is for certain though. I am still learning how to balance the 2 forces myself, and I'm 33. I don't think it gets any easier.
There's your yin and yang for today.
